rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I have lamented the changes in Scarlett Johansson’s life regularly, over the past six months. Her marriage and her non-blondeness have caused me considerable angst.

She’s gone one better, this time and I can’t help but take it personally. She has inadvertently begun to downsize her celebrated bust…….

They're melting.......

Apparently she is on some kind of diet, the fool.  Page Six tells us:

SAY it ain’t so, ScarJo! Sultry Scarlett Johansson is getting rid of her famous curves. Eyes popped Tuesday night at Moet & Chandon’s “Tribute to Film” soiree at London’s Big Sky Studios when the “very slim” actress, who’s married to Ryan Reynolds, strutted in wearing a tight, black minidress. “She was talking to Thandie Newton about the rigid diet she’s on,” our spy said of the star of the upcoming “Iron Man 2.

Stupid baby talk, for morons, but you get the gist. I cannot help thinking Johansson’s going to see the error of her ways very soon. In the meantime, I’m going to Fedex her some spaghetti and a packet of ZOFT

Scarlett Johansson just does not listen. Her hair color changes constantly when, obviously, it should remain blonde. She has the temerity to appear on the front cover of Paris Vogue flaunting, (flaunting!) a new ginger do. Unacceptable:

Urine and cookies.

Though, to be fair, other than the ginger hair, she is looking pretty amazing.

Particularly her famous rack.

I really despise the institution of marriage. Its initial effect (with a few rare, golden exceptions) is to turn otherwise smoking hot babes into frumpy Pottery Barn shoppers. This is compounded by the arrival of kids, and it is only when the kids are old enough to fend for themselves that the inner babe reawakens, invests in a new rack and pulls out the Chanel sunglasses and the Jimmy Choos.

Look at this example. Scarlett Johansson, who foolishly got married some months ago, has foregone her  customary blond, for brown. This, as any gentleman will attest, is a VERY foolish move.

Not acceptable at all.

I mean, do I have to spell it out? The made a movie about it for chrissakes!

I hear she has also joined the junior league and is moving to Fleming Island.

This is Shauna Sands on the beach, recently.

I’ll confess I can’t get past the Urban Outfitters beach bag. Every eleven year old emo‘s dream.

The shadowy powers that rule the internet have decreed that an online presence cannot be considered “a website” unless it has recently published pictures of Marisa Miller in her bikini.

At least you’d be forgiven for thinking that were the case, with all the attention she’s been getting. Anyway, as you’ll be aware, if there’s a bandwagon, I’m jumping on it, so here she is, in all her edible glory.

I've called this picture "Marisa Miller 1"

I have called THIS one "Marisa Miller 2"

Such a RELIEF to be done with the inauguration. Pass the shamWOW.

There’s a cloistered hush on the electronic highways and byways of corporate America. I haven’t had a business email since Friday. The inauguration of the 44th President of the United States is three hours away and presumably everyone is either in D.C. or watching the celebrations on the mall on TV. It’s MAYHEM there.

People are actually celebrating as opposed to simply observing this inauguration. Parties are breaking out all over the place. Periodically, some mainstream political pundit will attempt to remind us of the solemnity of the occasion, its importance to our country and the long history of tradition that the ceremony represents. It’s a somber event, they tell us, we should conduct ourselves with dignity, respecting the institutions and the office of our great country. There’s no room for levity.

THAT'S what I'm talking about......

Well that’s like a red rag to a bull for people like me. I spurn the very concept as I would spurn a rabid dog. The parties and the crazy fun are a tangible expression of the pursuit of happiness, surely? Also, levity is my middle name. Joe Levity Bones.

I am told this would not be the right time for me to post the celebrated Team America video (made by two GREAT Americans from Colorado and Texas), so here it is (lyrics NSFW):

Enjoy the celebrations, ya’ll.

I am occasionally asked (mainly by the women in my life) why rivercityvibe loves Lindsay Lohan so much. I hate answering this ridiculous question (it gives me a pain), so have devised a game to lessen the boredom for me. I drew my inspiration from Boggle. In this case, I replace letters with words and you must unscramble them to get the answer. Seriously, it’s like “Word Boggle”, for idiots.

If you would like to play, just make three pairs from these six words:

HAIR. SLIM. RACK. WAIST. LONG. ENORMOUS

(Clue: “Long rack”, “enormous waist” and “slim hair” is not the right answer).

New Year's Eve 2008 - Miami Beach, FL.

Stay tuned for MUCH more of this. Welcome to 2009.

There are rumors flying around that accomplished actress and rivercityvibe favorite Lindsay Lohan may have split up with her allegedly female consort, Ronson.

Waste of a rack.

Well, Lindsay has taken pains to point out that this is not true by commenting on something called myspace (it’s like Facebook, but for the poor). She says,

oy vey! rumors..
just to clear this up.. because i have been getting a lot of emails asking me this one question.
samantha ronson and lindsay lohan (me) are NOT breaking up

take care
xxLL

Add Yiddish to her many talents. This girl is awesome.

Coincidentally, Zip Code 90210 has the same trash day as Zip Code 32210. Here are some pictures of lovely Tracy Bingham putting out the trash, this morning, in West Beverly Hills:

Not dissimilar to the scenario at Bone's hideout, this morning.

Good skills

My main takeaway from this is that this young lady has three large trash cans of different colors (one not shown). What’s all that about? I mean, how many people live in her house?

The lovely Veronika Zemanova

Hot dang-diggety.

The usual source gives us the following fascinating facts:

Her original stage name was Eva, but due to a production error her real name was accidentally published, so at that point she dropped the pseudonym. Zemanová has appeared in a number of united States and United Kingdom pictorial publications……

A low-budget British independent film, Zemanovaload, about a man obsessed with the model, was released in 2005. It starred the Irish comedian Ed Byrne.

I am not going to lie to you. I approve of this young lady.

Enjoy. I’ll be at the airshow if you need me.