rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I have lamented the changes in Scarlett Johansson’s life regularly, over the past six months. Her marriage and her non-blondeness have caused me considerable angst.

She’s gone one better, this time and I can’t help but take it personally. She has inadvertently begun to downsize her celebrated bust…….

They're melting.......

Apparently she is on some kind of diet, the fool.  Page Six tells us:

SAY it ain’t so, ScarJo! Sultry Scarlett Johansson is getting rid of her famous curves. Eyes popped Tuesday night at Moet & Chandon’s “Tribute to Film” soiree at London’s Big Sky Studios when the “very slim” actress, who’s married to Ryan Reynolds, strutted in wearing a tight, black minidress. “She was talking to Thandie Newton about the rigid diet she’s on,” our spy said of the star of the upcoming “Iron Man 2.

Stupid baby talk, for morons, but you get the gist. I cannot help thinking Johansson’s going to see the error of her ways very soon. In the meantime, I’m going to Fedex her some spaghetti and a packet of ZOFT

Scarlett Johansson just does not listen. Her hair color changes constantly when, obviously, it should remain blonde. She has the temerity to appear on the front cover of Paris Vogue flaunting, (flaunting!) a new ginger do. Unacceptable:

Urine and cookies.

Though, to be fair, other than the ginger hair, she is looking pretty amazing.

Particularly her famous rack.

I mentioned how appalled and sick to the stomach I was to see that Johansson had dyed her hair that most delightful of colors, brown.

Well all is well, my children. All is well.

This is the latest Dolce & Gabbana ad. She’s back to normal:

When Joe says jump, starlets ask "how high?"

Thank God that’s over.

I really despise the institution of marriage. Its initial effect (with a few rare, golden exceptions) is to turn otherwise smoking hot babes into frumpy Pottery Barn shoppers. This is compounded by the arrival of kids, and it is only when the kids are old enough to fend for themselves that the inner babe reawakens, invests in a new rack and pulls out the Chanel sunglasses and the Jimmy Choos.

Look at this example. Scarlett Johansson, who foolishly got married some months ago, has foregone her  customary blond, for brown. This, as any gentleman will attest, is a VERY foolish move.

Not acceptable at all.

I mean, do I have to spell it out? The made a movie about it for chrissakes!

I hear she has also joined the junior league and is moving to Fleming Island.

I have lost the will to live. It turns out that one of Joe’s babes foolishly got married this weekend. My agents tell me that the lovely Scarlett Johansson married a Canadian, in Canada, on Saturday.

May I remind readers that Scarlett is tipped to play the lead role in the upcoming biopic of 80’s TV legend Jenna Jameson.