rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

So we got to the game early. I was riding with Kenny P and McPolish. Benny Anderson off of ABBA had foolishly over-indulged the night before and was missing, believed vomiting. We were meeting up with my buddy III who is the king of this sort of celebration……

My regular thing dropped us off in her experimental water craft (which she claims was built by Israeli Special Forces for Littoral Operations in the Sea of Galilee. Maybe.) We were inserted at Jacksonville Landing. The first person we saw was this guy:

He was a Gator, for the record

I think that counts as One for the Ladies….. As we pushed further into the mayhem (via weak and pricey shots at that place that used to be Gaslights. The shots had fruit in them. so actually had the effect of sobering me up. Hardly their purpose), I began to get the impression that this year was going to be off the hook. This was 100% confirmed when I saw this:

An engineering marvel

It was a mobile, gas-pressured, three way beer bong that can deliver three cans of beer to three participants, in under three seconds.

I like them apples a lot.

The legend who was in charge of it has a future as an impresario (apparently he’ll need something. Five years of college and a sophomore already……) No sooner had I explained who I was and that all the Russians (ex-soldiers and strippers, mainly) were part of my entourage, than he grasped what he must do. He lined up three beautiful girls and arranged a demonstration. Here is my photographic essay on the subject…..

Feeding the Beast

Adopt the position

Bend zee knees (if you like)

Chin it, Padre!

Clear. Ease springs.

Each one of them earned a cheer from the crowd as they emitted, one by one, three of the most lady-like beer belches I have ever heard. They were a pleasure, beginning to end. I was rather lost in music, at this stage, so I did not get anyone’s name. Email me if you want credit, girls and boys. I am afraid it won’t count in class, though……

So that was a highlight. Incidentally, we saw the Fifth Column again. There was plenty more of the usual naughtiness. As tradition dictates, I did not attend the game, or know what the score was. I presume the Gators won……

This is the weekend we have been waiting for. AC DC playing Veterans Arena tonight, easing us in to the Florida/Georgia game tomorrow. It is going to be Pretty. Fucking. Huge.

In an effort to celebrate the enormity of the imminent mayhem, I have resolved to publish not one, but two (2) Florida Gator babes.

Incidentally, I’ll be at the tailgates, taking pictures of the celebrants as long as it is safe for me to do so – I don’t think I shared with you last year’s debacle…… It was shameful (in a good way). I have only just finished paying for the damage (both economic and moral).

So far, so good, non? Here’s her friend:

Hot dang diggety.

See you at the game……

We have already discussed my history with rockers AC DC and the way, to me, the band will forever be associated with Flash Gordon (and those pesky Lion Men of Mongo). Whatever. Anyway, they are playing Veteran’s Arena here in the river city on October 30th.

That’s right.

The night before Florida/Georgia.

That weekend is going to be Pretty. Fucking. Huge. I counsel you all (every one of you) not to miss it. Jacksonville.com (with whom I am about to have a feud about their unethical love of hipsters) report,

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame band AC/DC will bring its “Black Ice” Tour to Jacksonville Veterans Memorial Arena on Friday, Oct. 30 — the night before the Florida-Georgia game is played across the parking lot.

Tickets for the Australian hard rockers show go on sale at 10 a.m. Friday through the arena box office, livenation.com and Ticketmaster outlets. All tickets are $90.50.

Here’s a reminder, plus lyrics……

She was a fast machine
She kept her motor clean
She was the best damn woman that I ever seen
She had the sightless eyes
Telling me no lies
Knockin’ me out with those American thighs
Taking more than her share
Had me fighting for air
She told me to come but I was already there

‘Cause the walls start shaking
The earth was quaking
My mind was aching
And we were making it and you –

CHORUS:
Shook me all night long
Yeah you shook me all night long

Working double time
On the seduction line
She was one of a kind, she’s just mine all mine
Wanted no applause
Just another course
Made a meal out of me and came back for more
Had to cool me down
To take another round
Now I’m back in the ring to take another swing

‘Cause the walls were shaking
The earth was quaking
My mind was aching
And we were making it and you –

CHORUS

And knocked me out and then you
Shook me all night long
You had me shakin’ and you
Shook me all night long
Yeah you shook me
Well you took me

[INSTRUMENTAL]

Your really took me and you
Yeah you shook me, yeah you shook me
All night long

Ten kinds of awesome, my fellow rockers.

Saturday was a day that will be remembered in infamy by my regular thing. It was she who had to scrape me off the tarmac outside the YMCA whence I had wandered, apparently, from the Landing, which I had reached, evidently, via some watercraft or other after a prolonged tailgating session…….

Needless to say, the tailgating was beyond awesome. The festive mood was off the dial and Gator’s and Dawgs alike approached the celebrations in a mood of mutual admiration and commitment to shared fellowship.

Well some of them did. Others, like these guys below,  sought to subvert the whole deal by masquerading as Dawgs when they were really dyed-in-the-wool Gators. They effectively established a fifth column among Dawg supporters:

Consorting with the enemy?

All is revealed

I am already looking forward to next year.

What’s that?

You want to know the score?

You mean who won the game?

I haven’t a clue. Google it.

My business interests had me moving in mysterious ways downtown, last night. I rarely go there, preferring to stick close to HQ or hideout in 32210. I was BLOWN away by the preparations for the Game, Saturday. Basically, the periphery of downtown has been turned into a series of RV parks and the tailgating has begun in earnest. This is on Wednesday. The game is Saturday.

For our foreign readers (this week we welcome Lithuania and the Seychelles to the party – sveiki and Bonjou, my friends!) the big deal is the annual football game between the University of Florida Gators and the University of Georgia bulldogs. It is played in Jacksonville every year and it is chaos, pure chaos. In a good way.

My camera went missing recently, (in circumstances that indicate the possible involvement of a meth head – more on the investigation and planned retribution to follow), so I was unable to take my own pics. The local rag is running a series:

Pandemonium

Obviously, in common with most of Jacksonville, I won’t actually be going to the game, but I WILL be going to the tailgate and I’ll be taking a (new) camera. Keep your eyes open for me. If you are ridiculous enough, you could be featured on…. rivercityvibe!