rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I have commented often on the importance of blondes in my life. There are many, many super-hot brunettes, and even the odd redhead meets the selector’s standards (Lohan), but as a matter of personal preference, Joe Bones, prefers a blonde when he can get one.

Now, it has been noted that this policy is at odds with my unwillingness to forgive that famously blonde nation, Germany, for it’s actions in WWII ( The Japanese were no saints, either, BTW, as the people of Hawaii and my grandfather will attest). I can only say that it is really not the Aryan perfection of, say, Heidi Klum, that I am talking about. I don’t mind bottle-blondes, to be honest.

Some people understand this. Kardashian has come round, for example. But, regrettably, her efforts to become blonde earn her a rivercityvibe fail:

Not anywhere near enough

You have to take your hat off to her, though. She is doing her very best. She should be applauded for it, but like a child, she must also be told where she has gone wrong.

It’s like a public service for celebs, rivercityvibe………

I’ve been looking so long at these pictures of Klum, that I almost believe that they’re real…..

I’ve been looking so long at these pictures of Klum that I almost believe that the pictures are all I can feel….

The song?

Anyone? Class? Anyone?

It’s Frau Klum again (sounds like a Bond villain). This girl never puts a foot wrong. Prost!

In her undies.

Klum has featured a great deal on these pages, for good reason. She is beautiful, goofy and kind-of-cool, (in a married-to-Seal kind of a way). She is also unreservedly and undeniably German. Her Aryan genes were never more in evidence that at last night’s Oscars where she eschewed her usual hairstyle in favor of a plastered-down blond look that reminded me of that one girl, the Nazi collaborator, in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade:

Ve hav vays of etc

As I look at this picture I can, ever so faintly, hear the strains of Lili Marlene….. I could almost be there….. west of Benghazi……. on Road Watch…….

Underneath the lantern by the barrack gate
Darling I remember the way you used to wait
Twas there that you whispered tenderly
That you loved me
You’d always be
My Lili of the lamplight
My own Lili Marlene

Resting in a billet just behind the line
Even tho’ we’re parted your lips are close to mine
You wait where that lantern softly gleams
Your sweet face seems to haunt my dreams
My Lili of the lamplight
My own Lili Marlene

When we are marching in the mud and cold,
And when my pack seems more than I can hold
My love for you renews my might
I’m warm again
My pack is light
It’s you Lili Marlene
It’s you Lili Marlene

This is the best post ever. I won’t bore you with too much well-judged, cynical prose, I will just introduce the topic. We are discussing here, the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show:

I know, there have been far to many male-centric posts of late. I promise to throw our female readers a decent bone (kyak kyak) very soon. The problem is, I don’t think there is an equivalent experience in the life of a teenage girl to the 13 year old boy’s discovery of the Victoria’s Secret catalogue…….

Apparently, writers on websites like these are supposed to adhere to the golden rule of not ‘clustering’ stories on the same subject together, instead spreading them out over decent periods of time. In normal circumstances, I would comply, but right now, I am so fucking bored with this election, I must post about Heidi Klum again or remove my ear drums with an oyster shucker.

I know, deep down, that Heidi is a vacuous, over-serious, German bore with an annoying child’s sense of humor. These are all minuses in my book*. She has big pluses, though, in that she is no-holds-barred hot and she keeps doing things that I respect. One of those things is this ad (for God-only-knows-what), based on Tom Cruise’s CLASSIC performance in Risky Business (1983):

Awesome. I know some ladies who would benefit greatly from studying the techniques used in this very carefully.

(*Kommen! Kann nicht sie einen witz nehmen?)

It is well known among the cognoscenti that Heidi Klum is a big fan of dressing up. She loves Halloween more than most 6 year olds and always comes up with an outfit that is amazing. This is this year’s:

Hindu groups have protested.

When assessing the relative awesomeness of costumes please benchmark against Joe’s celebrated ‘gay construction worker’ outfit which is still talked about in some circles. Who knew that the addition of a droopy mustache and a rainbow lightning helmet sticker would be so transformational?