rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

Spotted in LA two days ago, rivercityvibe favorite, accomplished actress Lindsay Lohan…….

This madness must end.

Various reports have reached me that rivercityvibe favorite, and accomplished actress, Lindsay Lohan is considering children. When I first heard this news I was, to put it mildly, panicked. Had she thought through the potential physical consequences of birthing and nursing a child? Do her fans get a say in this at all?

(*Actually, my first thought, was to fall back on my training and issue the emergency cry of “STILL!” in which all concerned must freeze in place and make no moves until the danger is cleared and the crisis passed. Some readers will be familiar with this. 99.77% of you won’t).

Then I remembered that Lindsay is a Lesbian these days (Phew!) and is considering following in  the footsteps of her Hollywood brethren and merely purchasing a child from impoverished third world parents. Preferably already potty trained.

Relax. They are safe.

So that’s all right then. Crisis passed.

Hope remains alive…….

The last Bond post resulted in an email in-box full of requests from the ladies for this picture:

We have the same personal trainer.......

I figure this will earn me some points for the new pic of Lohan’s rack I have been sitting on.

For those of us whose role in life is to mock, the celeb wars of recent years have been like manna from heaven. You may recall that prior to Paris Hilton’s arrest (for whatever it was) and her subsequent pathetic performance whilst incarcerated (If I was her publicist I would have arranged a pre-prison conduct-after-capture course with the SEALS), all the attention was on Paris Hilton vs. Lindsay Lohan. Who is the most popular, who is most worthy of our admiration?

It was around this time that some losers in Jacksonville got rather carried away. Who can forget the ill-fated Club Paris at the Landing.

Embarrassing ain’t the word.

Anyway, I have got to say, I have always been squarely for Lindsay. For a start, she is an actress, has been to drama school, taken lessons. For the movies she has made she has been paid millions of dollars. Earnings.

Paris, on the other hand, has a rich dad.

But there are other key reasons, why I much prefer Lyndsay to Paris:

And don’t say this post is sexist. Because its not.