rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I have had a number of emails from people claiming that I am a little bit hard on Germans. I am at a loss as to how you should think this – I do pretty much nothing apart from post pics of INSANELY hot women of German extraction. How can that be mean?

It may have been my references to Simon Weisenthal’s “outstanding projects”, mostly resident in South America, which upset most people. Anyway, I am going to make it up to mein Deutsch freunde, by speaking of Tom Cruise’s latest movie Valkyrie. I am going to see it tonight, parking-lot crime permitting, at AMC Orange Park

It tells the story of the plot by members of the German Army (Heer) to assassinate Hitler and bring to an end the Second World War. It should be feel-good for Germans – a WWII movie in which they are the good guys. Ironically, in this one, as history affirms, they lose anyway.  Here’s the trailer:

It looks awesome, but apparently had a less than stellar opening weekend. Some attribute this to the vicious background feud that has been going on between Tom Cruise and Sumner Redstone. You know how you never hear anything good about Tom Cruise these days? That’s Sumner Redstone’s fault. Even stand-out performances like Cruise’s part in Tropic Thunder barely got a positive mention in the press. That’s Sumner Redstone’s sophisticated communications machine manipulating public opinion to knock Cruise’s reputation. I have my own advanced theory on this, and am waiting for only another couple of pieces to fall into place before I reveal it to the world.

As always, y’all will be the first to know.

Tschuss!

Apparently, writers on websites like these are supposed to adhere to the golden rule of not ‘clustering’ stories on the same subject together, instead spreading them out over decent periods of time. In normal circumstances, I would comply, but right now, I am so fucking bored with this election, I must post about Heidi Klum again or remove my ear drums with an oyster shucker.

I know, deep down, that Heidi is a vacuous, over-serious, German bore with an annoying child’s sense of humor. These are all minuses in my book*. She has big pluses, though, in that she is no-holds-barred hot and she keeps doing things that I respect. One of those things is this ad (for God-only-knows-what), based on Tom Cruise’s CLASSIC performance in Risky Business (1983):

Awesome. I know some ladies who would benefit greatly from studying the techniques used in this very carefully.

(*Kommen! Kann nicht sie einen witz nehmen?)