rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

There is a scene in the classic war film Waterloo in which the Duke of Wellington interrogates a soldier who has been caught stealing a piglet for food. The soldier explains that he was merely trying to return the beast to its mother. Wellington angrily asks the soldier if he knows what the punishment for looting livestock is. The soldier, without missing a beat says, “Stoppage of gin, sir?”

“Damn you! It’s Death!” says Wellington, then turning to an aide-de-campe says, “Raise this man to Corporal. He knows how to defend a weak position!”

This post is about a guy who would likely have made sergeant in Wellington’s army.

Swedish strippers? Awesome!

It seems that McDonald’s have got their panties in a wad about a neon sign advertising a strip club in Falkoping in the south of Sweden and are considering legal action. The Local, tells us:

“We’re going to send him a letter. In our view this is clearly a breach of our trademark,” McDonald’s spokesman Claes Eliasson told The Local.

But the strip tease club owner, Dragan Bratic, denied that there was any likeness.

“The sign has nothing to do with McDonald’s. It is two breasts with nipples. Anyone can see that,” Bratic told Swedish online newspaper GT.se.

When asked about the name McDragan’s, Bratic replied that the Mc in fact stands for motorcycle and bears no relation to the Mc in McDonald’s.

“I’m not Irish, I’m a Yugoslav. And I don’t sell hamburgers, I sell live striptease,” he insists.

By the way, by the time I had got through reading the article for the first time, I realized it was an April Fool’s joke (those ZANY Swedes!). I had all the Waterloo stuff in my head though and it seemed a shame to waste it.

The former West German Capital Bonn was the scene of an unpleasant incident, last week. Unpleasant, but also peculiar and amusing. A fine example of the ‘humor’ the Germans call schadenfreude.

A man was found dead, apparently, in a pornography video booth at a Bonn Beate Uhse sex shop, over the weekend. The Cologne Daily Express reports:

Apparently “plump boobs and hot thighs” were too much for the 54-year-old pornography customer’s heart, who died while watching porn in one of the video-booths at the sex-shop on Bischofsplatz……

Bring your own Kleenex

Apparently, he was found slumped in a booth with his pants round his ankles.

I am sure you are thinking the same as me. What the hell was he doing there? How do these places exist in the post-internet society? How did they survive through video, DVD and superfast broadband? Can you imagine this poor guy’s thought process that led him from waking up in the morning with a bit of a stiffy, to dying in a recently vacated so-called self-abuse booth in a side street across town?

The answer has something to do with the German psyche, I know it. Something deep down and dirty and linked to them having inspection-shelves in their toilets……..

There is the usual faux furore online and in the news, about a Canadian Facebook group which promotes an event called Kick a Ginger Day. I know a couple of tough Gingers and I wouldn’t mess with them. That said, they’re helping out in the Congo currently, so are unavailable.

So basically, though you may despise them (because they smell of piss and cookies) I would not advise kicking Gingers, on this day or any other. Also, be very careful if you intend to have any sexual congress with them – set some boundaries. In my experience, there may be a few surprises down there. Enough said.

Here is Julianne Moore:

Approach with caution. Seriously.

In other news, I am considering starting a “Kick an Emo Day”.

Okay.

Joe feels that he cannot NOT recommend the following activity, brought to my attention by a loyal reader. My role is to endorse quality products that support  an optimized lifestyle. How you consume those products is really up to you.

The Dogfish Head 120 chug:

I’d have been more impressed if it had been administered via the bloodbag……