rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

This must be an elaborate practical joke.

If not it is probably one of the best examples of Bones Rule # 1 – which states, as you will no doubt have been taught in metaphysics class, that fact is always and without exception, funnier than fiction (F>f=Fn).

It appears that the Bomb Squad down in Orlando blew up a stuffed animal in front of Waterbridge Elementary School. The footage is unbelievable. Like a hilarious spoof.

When did we become this nation of gung-ho chickenshits? Do you think this whole lockdown and destruction of a treasured  toy animal was good for the kids? Safety first, judgement second? Or do we reckon they were terrified and will grow up to be scared of muslims?

The only good thing to come out of it is this: innocentpony.com

This morning I put in a rare appearance at my reserve gym. My main gym caters to super-models and rivercityvibe types. This mix is leavened by a number of guys who “like the musicals” and don’t care who knows it. They like rivercityvibe too, they tell me.

My reserve gym, on the other hand, caters mainly to the elderly*.

I went there because it was en route to a covert hand-off with one of my Westside assets. Its running machines overlook a pool. (Incidentally, I use a running machine to combat workout-killing ADHD through flashing lights and constant data input. You should try it… Ruprecht….). Anyways, yesterday the pool was the setting for a Senior Womens’ Aquarobics class.

The horror.

In an effort to save myself from a sure failed workout, I concentrated hard on my tunes. They were so unbelievably awesome that I achieved an almost transcendental state. The world ceased to exist and I floated in my own mind…. It was unreal. When I got to that one song, Drops of Jupiter, by Train, I was jolted back to reality by nonsense lyrics worthy of Edward Lear. I looked down at the running machine and noticed I was running SO FAST that it was not able to record my pace! It had also begun to smoke a little.

See what I mean. Utter nonsense. Works though, right? Here is my playlist. Please, Let’s not start the This Time argument again. It’s the best running song ever. Only people who have never run to it or aren’t running fast enough disagree. Which is nearly everyone:

This Time (The Verve) Best running song ever.
Help the Aged (Pulp) LAG!!!!!!
One More Day (Cast of Les Miserables)
Stacy’s Mom (Fountains of Wayne)
She’s a Star (James)
Californication (RHCP)
Original Pirate Material (The Streets)
Block Rocking Beats (The Chemical Brothers)
Drops of Jupiter (Train)
Read my Mind (The Killers)
Being Boring (Pet Shop Boys)
By the Rivers of Babylon (Boney M)
Human (The Killers)

For our hipster readers, I am sorry there are no tunes by Ringpiece or Frump. They are not good to run to.

*Planet Florida