rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

I meant to post about this at the time, but I was busy. I ran past the Bettes Estate this weekend (as I do nearly everyday) and it reminded me. It’s a sorry picture. The house was recently consumed by fire after a careless worker involved in its restoration set it alight with a blow torch. Seriously. How mad would that make you, if that was your home? It is a total loss, apparently.

Anyway, the house was built in 1912, not necessarily old for 32210 (parts of Bones HQ date from 1904, but I added the hollowed-out volcano in the ’90s). Also, it is not on the river – but I am told it once was – it has just had houses built between it and the river since.

Irritated homeowner

First Coast News reported:

…the historic structure was destroyed. However, the owners tried to salvage what they could, and plucked dripping wet portraits from the first floor of the house.

“From the very onset, firefighters never really had a fighting chance,” said JFRD Spokesperson Tom Francis.

Francis said the fire spread quickly and took more than 60 firefighters to control it. “It’s heart breaking,” said Sawyer, who watched with dozens of neighbors from the blocked off street.

Sawyer showed First Coast News pictures she took inside the home in the 1970s. She said the more than 5,000 square foot estate had beautiful staircases and polished, wooden floors.

So that’s that, then. Shame. Terrible shame.

As I recently noted, in our River City, we never go too long without boarding a boat of some sort. I even go out to eat by canoe, on occasion. It’s like Waterworld, here. Everyone needs some kind of waterborne mode of transport simply to survive.

With that, I want to introduce you to possibly the best music video we have ever posted on rivercityvibe. It basically sums up the reason why I live here. It’s Lonely Island with I’m on a boat:

(it’s that ‘rap’ deal so there’s bad language. Mainly ‘motherfucker’ but also ‘shit’ used as a synonym for “everything” as in “and shit”. Also the phrase “I fucked a mermaid” which I found particularly amusing):

I feel the lyrics deserve some attention:

Aww shit, get your towels ready it’s about to go down (shorty, yeah)
Everybody in the place hit the fucking deck (shorty, yeah)
But stay on your motherfucking toes
We running this, let’s go

I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
Everybody look at me ’cause I’m sailing on a boat (sailing on a boat)
I’m on a boat (I’m on a boat)
I’m on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat (boat, yeah)

I’m on a boat motherfucker take a look at me
Straight flowing on a boat on the deep blue sea
Busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat
You can’t stop me motherfucker cause I’m on a boat

Take a picture, trick (trick)
I’m on a boat, bitch (bitch)
We drinking Santana champ,
Cause it’s so crisp (crisp)
I got my swim trunks
And my flippie-floppies
I’m flipping burgers, you at Kinko’s
Straight flipping copies

I’m riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit
The dolphin’s splashing, getting everybody all wet
But this ain’t Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I’m on a boat, motherfucker, don’t you ever forget

I’m on a boat and
It’s going fast and
I got a nautical themed
Pashmina afghan
I’m the king of the world
On a boat like Leo
If you’re on the shore,
Then you’re sure not me-oh

For more click HERE.

And I’m with you. In Riverside, Avondale and Ortega, a nautical themed Pashmina in de rigeur…….

Those multi-million dollar properties for sale in Ortega, Riverside and Avondale might be a little easier to shift if sellers were to take a leaf out of this Brit’s book. Unable to sell his 2 million dollar home, he is adding an incentive. His Lambo:

Also available in lime green.

But, as always, there’s a catch. You might think you were pretty smart getting a piece of property in England and some sweet wheels into the bargain. But this Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder is NOT the SE (Special Edition) version.

I say again, it is not the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder SE.

If it were, the new owner could rest safe in the knowledge that all the design flaws had been worked out. WIKIPEDIA tells us:

Mechanically, the SE addresses many of the criticisms of the original Gallardo; the steering is quicker and more responsive, the transmission gear ratios have been adjusted to better suit the V10, and the E-gear now has a “thrust mode” to optimize acceleration, and the car’s power has been increased to 520 hp (388 kW). The SE has a higher top speed of 315 km/h or 196 MPH, and it accelerates to 100 km/h (62 mph) in 3.8 seconds. Only 250 units of the Gallardo SE were built. All the mechanical upgrades of the SE, however, will be included in all 2006+ Gallardos (excluding the two-tone bodywork).

I should also note that if you think you are going to outrun the police in London, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels-style, think again. The Five-Oh over there are driving these:

We. Own. The. Road.

Yep, that’s right.

The SE.