rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

When I first heard of the uproar in New York over an Air Force One lookey-likey flying low over the city for a photo op, I was inclined to dismiss it, citing Bones Rule #3 (“Everyone is outraged about everything. All the time”). This inclination grew stronger when I heard of the reaction of that blowhard Mayor Bloomberg, stamping his feet and snorting.

Then I saw the footage from on the ground:

This brought home to me precisely how visceral the reaction of New Yorker’s must have been. It is the White House and the Pentagon’s responsibility to take this into account and plan for it (a simple public service announcement would have sufficed), but they didn’t, so the man responsible, Louis Caldera, wins rivercityvibe’s Assclown of the Week. Well done, Louis.

Caldera is the Director of the White House Military Office. There have been calls for him to resign, or be fired. Frankly, if the Director of the CIA didn’t resign after 9/11, and the Secretary of Defense didn’t resign after the failure to find WMD in Iraq, there’s probably no case for this. Right? That’s the way we roll, these days? Nobody need resign. Ever.

But he is an assclown, nevertheless.

This is so huge I am going to post it immediately, in its entirety, without a picture. I say again, without a picture. We have received a communication from Babyann Hernandez’s Mom, Maggie Gottfried, which gives a very personal view of the America’s Next Top Model Audition fiasco, and advances the theory that “the reality is that the auditions were set up to fail from the start.”

On that BOMBSHELL, I give you Babyann’s mom:

I am Babyann Hernandez’ mom, and unfortunately, witness to the chaos. I have been a fan of Tyra Banks since I met her at an autograph signing at the Astor Place Kmart in 1996. She was an amazing, down to earth person, so even as the ordeal was taking place, I couldn’t help but believe she was better than that, and could not or would not stand for the outrage, therefore she would do everything in her power to make amends. But now that time continues to pass with little or no word from Tyra as to how she will repair the damage to her name and reputation, not to mention her loyal fans, one has to wonder.
They keep mentioning the BMW but the reality is the auditions were set up to fail from the start. There was no security, order, organization, the people on line were the ones telling newcomers where to go and where the lines “began and ended,” at around 3AM the crowd became too large to continue to handle itself, and the riot was unavoidable.
To watch my child have to endure the damage and abuse from the riot and then have her dream pulled out from under her, is an experience I could have lived without.
After waiting on line from 1:30AM, we waited for her to be done with “auditions” for over 2 hrs, hopeful of the outcome and happy that if nothing else she would have gotten the opportunity to experience a real audition. When she finally immersed from the crowds in the hotel, with tears in her eyes Babyann said, “ I feel like they mocked my dream, it wasn’t an audition it was a line-up” and then went on to explain her experience or lack thereof.
My heart broke for her. Since she was five all she could talk about was being a model. Unfortunately height was an issue for the kind of modeling she dreamed of, but she had desire, determination and not to mention a killer look, so she continued on her quest and we continue to support her. Then… her “big break”: Shorter models wanted, so we weren’t going to stop until she got an audition. No mountain too high, I told her, all you need is a door to open–how was I to know the door would be slammed in her face, leaving her bruised and confused. “How can my hero do this to me and all of those other great girls I met that day” Babyann said to me on our two hour drive home. What can I say to my daughter, all her life I taught her to be fair and polite, basically “treat others the way you want to be treated,” I told her. What could I say to her at a moment like that? The usual, “everything happens for a reason” just didn’t seem enough. But I told her not to give up, somewhere some way things would work out for the best, they always do. Having taught her to be optimistic, she agreed.
Our family has been cuddling up in the family room on Wednesday nights since the show started. Needless to say, this past Wednesday, none of us could bare even the thought of America’s Next Top Model. I can’t imagine we are the only ones that feel this way. Please let Tyra and CW know we won’t stand for the maltreatment of our loved ones.

So there we have it. Call Tyra’s people, her agent and her manager (“Managers are the ones who care” Entourage). There numbers are on the last post.

The fools have changed the rules for the next season of America’s Next Top Model, allowing ladies under 5’7″ in height to enter.

Speaking as someone who has NEVER dated anyone under 5’9″, I have to say this was a schoolboy error. All manner of womanhood, from raggedy ol’ strippers to chubby little office workers, are swarming out of the suburbs and mountain villages, CVS-bought tooth polish on their remaining teeth, all hoping that Tyra Banks will give them their big break. This, inevitably, resulted in immediate disaster. At the audition:

Apparently there was some bullshit about a car overheating and potentially exploding going on in these peoples’ minds, and while we cannot blame New Yorkers for worrying about the terror threat, the absence of grace, poise and tranquility (surely traits of a top model?) were rather telling. Apparently six people were taken to ER and the only three that saw the situation’s comedy potential were arrested for “inciting a riot”. The audition was called off.

But there’s more. Remember Bones Rule #3 ? The one that states that everybody is outraged about everything, all the time? You do? Good, because it applies here too. A number of the fatties who were standing in line have called upon Tyra Banks to reschedule the audition, threatening legal action if she does not. The NY Daily News, has this to say:

Do right by us, Tyra!

If you don’t, you’ll be America‘s next top villain.

That’s what scores of berserk beauties said Sunday as they sent pleas to Tyra Banks, urging her to give them another chance to become America’s Next Top Model after a Saturday cattle call turned into a stampede.

“I want Tyra to realize that we were cheated, and it wasn’t fair,” cried Babyann Hernandez, 20.

“I’m tired, angry, hurt, confused, and I didn’t even get to try out,” she told the Daily News.

Does anyone ever feel that we live in the land of Oz, or Toytown, or that place from that one movie with Jessica Rabbit in it?

There is a prize for anyone who can send me a picture of Babyann Hernandez, the America’s Top Model hopeful. Seriously. A good prize. Worth having.

Nowhere near here, though. Despite the fan base I have built with my own hands for them in Florida. Family-ties, see?

They are in Los Angeles currently, playing the Viper Room tomorrow (@8.45 pm), then they have a couple of dates in Austin, Texas (?!), one in NY (Joes Pub in East Village), then a final LA gig before flying back to New Zealand, the legends.

Midnight Youth. Double-plus Awesome.

It promises to be seminal, in nature. The tour in which they set the US music industry on its ear. Readers in NY and LA should make a point of seeing them. I dearly hope I have no readers in Austin, but if there are a few, more information can be found on Facebook (search Midnight Youth), or if you prefer to slum-it (and we all feel that itch, occasionally), they are also on something called myspace, with which I have barely a nodding acquaintance.

Sorry the video of their debut track, The Letter, is disabled on the last post about Midnight Youth. Presumably some record label Nazi took exception.

(Seriously, for new bands, looking to break into American Markets, some kind of liberal blogger policy might be in order. I mean, for fuck’s sake, it’s the 21st Century.)

All their music, available on itunes. Go their now. You won’t regret it.