rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

The Austrian’s are up in arms about Sacha Baron-Cohen’s new movie, Bruno. Not literally. That’s proven a losing strategy on at least two occasions. It appears they are insulted by the concept of a gay fashionista being their most famous person since… ahem… Joseph Fritzl.

And before him, Adolf Hitler.

Long time members of the rivercityvibe faithful will know that this website gently teases the Deutsch about the sins of their past. To that end, we applaud Bruno’s effort to do the same. But, boxhead-bashing apart, I think there is a very good chance that Bruno (subtitled “Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt”), is going to be very funny indeed.

Check out these promotional stills from Bruno’s European publicity tour:

In each City he visited, he dressed the part. In London, he wore the uniform of the Guards outside Buckingham Palace.

In Madrid, where archaic laws mean you can torture animals in public for sport, Bruno dressed as an anatomically correct bull. He was chased by matadors, but not speared or run through with a rapier.

And, of course, in Amsterdam, he dressed as a sex worker. Naturlich, ja?

I am going to see it on Friday, in the meantime, we must make do with the trailer:

Klasse!

They’ve reinvented Sherlock Holmes for the big screen. To someone like me, who for two years of my teens devoured the entire Conan Doyle oeuvre three times in succession, such a reinvention carries with it the risk that it will (GI Joe-like) destroy treasured childhood memories.

I needn’t have worried, they’ve cast the legend Downey, Jr in the eponymous role. Everything will be fine, mes enfants, I’ve looked into it:

I forgoit to mention that this is a Guy Ritchie movie. As I have said before, this guy gets a bad press but I have never seen a movie of his I did not like. Sherlock Holmes looks like it will be no exception. It’s not out ’til Christmas, but I thought you’d want to see the trailer anyway.

* I know. He never said this. Yawn.

I went to see Star Trek at Orange Park on Sunday. I had taken the precaution of slowly medicating myself with fine liquors and other boozes during the course of the day. I suspected the movie would be watch-able, but I didn’t want to take any chances.

My regular thing drove and we (as always) arrived early. I was still thirsty, so we went in to something called a “TGI Friday” – the kind of hellhole that I would normally view with considerable disdain, but as I said, I was not entirely sober. We were served cheap beers by a really, really tall bartender called Maria, with a pierced lip and pig tails. She was very nice and I suggested she do some modeling. We even compared leg lengths (at 6’2″ I was an inch taller than her, but she has 3 inch longer legs than me. Go figure? My regular thing is now calling me “Stumpy”).

Anyway, the movie theater was packed. The movie itself was actually excellent. It turned out that my regular thing had smuggled in booze, too. Great. That is, basically, why she is my regular thing. Stuff like that. And her awesome rack. So here is a clip showing the first time Kirk meets “Bones” McCoy. Cast aside your prejudices and go and see it. Please don’t wear any kind of costume, though. Seriously:

Star Trek (2009): Kirk Meets McCoy

(*needless to say, my phaser was decidedly not on stun and I had a couple of photon torpedoes on back-up. It is dangerous there)

A good friend of mine, not known for his critical skills, cites Transformers as his favorite film ever. This is a young man who should know better, but he loves it. I will concede, in my high-brow way, that the movie was an entertaining spectacle, even if the ghetto accents of the ‘robots in disguise’ gave me earache.

The sequel is coming up and barely a week goes by without a dopy new trailer coming out. Nevertheless, this movie is clearly going to have awesome special effects, many explosions and Megan Fox (a long time bedside list member). For these reasons, I am going to see at as soon as I can. If this offends your aesthetic sensibilities, Dead Poets Society* is available at Blockbusters (analog rental, Cool!).

Here’s Fox, pour memoire:

* a movie beloved only of utter spunk trumpets.

For those of us (and our numbers are legion) who wished the entire Star Wars franchise had concerned itself solely with the adventures of Boba Fett, Hunter Prey may be the best movie ever. If you can ignore the dreadful voice procedure (always annoying) then you should check out the trailer:

Look, team, I am trying to nip this bizarre and unwonted (good word) sci-fi obsession in the bud. I promise to post a busty babe later, okay?

The trailer for Spike Jonze’s movie version of Maurice Sendak’s classic Where the Wild Things Are is out. If they fuck this up, I swear will lay waste to all around me and rend many things asunder…..

It got me thinking about Wild Things, a movie I remember nothing of apart from Denise Richards‘ chest and her making out with that one girl in the pool. Though I do remember liking it very much during some lonely times. I think the chance of seeing  naked girls making out in Where the Wild Things Are has got to be slim. You never know though – the screenplay has had to be built around the sixteen short sentences of the original book so there’s going to be a fair amount of new material. Fingers crossed! Let’s compare the two trailers:

That was Where the Wild Things Are, by the way. Now for Wild Things:

I am of the opinion that they will both be remembered as classics of their kind……. I’ll only ever own one of them on Blue Ray, though……..

Starring Richard Harris, Richard Burton, Roger Moore and Hardy Kruger, The Wild Geese (1978) is one of the greatest war films of all time. That said, it is nearly RUINED by berets that would shame a Week 1 Recruit (pain alleviated by the wonderful Joan Armatrading):

I ran the bootleg of the teaser trailer for the upcoming Star Trek movie some months ago because it looked awesome. I got a number of worrying emails from Trekkoids commending me, basically, for spreading their gospel far and wide. Trekkoids like this guy:

Loving the Weber Grill........

Well the new trailer is out and it confirms my impression that this latest in a long line or prequels or story resets is going to be something special. The trailer follows, but if get anymore gobbledygook emails about Klingons, photon torpedoes or the Prime Directive, then that’s it. I’ll assimilate the fucking lot of you:

My younger brother had all of the GI Joe stuff. Cobra Commander, the tank, the silly dog and the motorcycle with the sidecar machine gun. I have fond memories using these military assets to ‘invade’ my other brother’s bedroom. We had inserted Special Forces observers some days earlier. They lurked on the curtain rail, observing all. There was a black kayak involved. I forget now…….

Anyway, these memories are likely to be either enhanced or completely ruined by the new GI Joe movie trailered during the Superbowl. I can’t make my mind up whether it will be awesome or unawesome. Take a look:

God, I love CGI.

Much the same as in Johnny Drama’s 90210 condo, Joe Bones’ 32210 home sports a copy of Variety on the coffee table. I find it useful for keeping up with the activities of the various movers and shakers out west and I trust their movie reviews which have an ‘insider’ feel to them.

Variety’s review of Oliver Stone’s “W.” is out today and although not what you would call glowing, it whets the appetite for what is, clearly, going to be a HILARIOUS treatment of our President’s eight-years at the helm.

Remember, this is an Oliver Stone movie. Can we say Platoon? Natural Born Killers? Born of the Fourth of July? The fucking Doors?!   It cannot be dismissed the way we routinely dismiss the lard-ass Moore‘s lame propaganda efforts. Variety says:

Opening with a post-9/11 cabinet meeting in the Oval Office in which the phrase “axis of evil” was concocted, then jumping back in time to begin a procession of key events in the life of a privileged party boy with something to prove, Stone and his “Wall Street” scenarist Stanley Weiser position the film, above all, as a father-son story. Long uncertain what his role in life is meant to be, the young George W. is severely chastised by his patrician father for his wayward behavior — “What do you think you are, a Kennedy?,” blares George Sr. (James Cromwell) after one of his son’s drunken escapades — but is nonetheless always let off the hook and given another chance by his father…..

In case you can’t tell, I am really looking forward to this. Apparently Richard Dreyfuss plays Dick Cheney to a ‘T’. Her’s the trailer:

Go and see it. It is out October 17, 2008. If you are going to see it at AMC Orange Park, please take the usual precautions.