rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

They’ve reinvented Sherlock Holmes for the big screen. To someone like me, who for two years of my teens devoured the entire Conan Doyle oeuvre three times in succession, such a reinvention carries with it the risk that it will (GI Joe-like) destroy treasured childhood memories.

I needn’t have worried, they’ve cast the legend Downey, Jr in the eponymous role. Everything will be fine, mes enfants, I’ve looked into it:

I forgoit to mention that this is a Guy Ritchie movie. As I have said before, this guy gets a bad press but I have never seen a movie of his I did not like. Sherlock Holmes looks like it will be no exception. It’s not out ’til Christmas, but I thought you’d want to see the trailer anyway.

* I know. He never said this. Yawn.

I went to see RocknRolla this weekend, primarily to express support for Guy Ritchie in his hilarious divorce battle with Madonna. It is what critics since the Italian Job have referred to as a ‘British crime caper.’ (Indeed that is the only use of the word ‘caper’ you will see these days. The word has become solely associated with violent but funny movies that claim to be about the London underworld. It’s true. I’ve checked).

The bottom line is, if you liked Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, you’ll like this –  I did. There are some interesting elements to it. The role of a Russian oligarch, clearly based on Roman Abramovich (right down to the soccer stadium offices) was a nice touch. I liked his use of ex-Russian military hardmen who spend their downtime comparing wounds gained fighting in Chechnya. They pursue the likable protagonists Terminator-style, providing some of the most unpleasant violence of the movie and some of the best laughs.

Great characters abound. As in most of his movies Ritchie manages to sketch them out in a pretty short space of time.  In the running for the best is the character of Johnny Quidd a crack-head rock star who has a reputation for consistently faking his own death (a reputation Bones once shared. But that’s for another time…..)

Good movie. Go see it. Remember, if visiting AMC Orange Park, use the buddy-system and be prepared to break down into pairs fire-and-maneuver at a moment’s notice….

Divorce is not a laughing matter, particularly where kids are involved, probably. That said, the war of words between Madonna and Guy Ritchie is already, a mere week into the whole deal, bordering on the hysterically funny.

Bearing in mind that Madonna has an enormous multi-roled corporation behind her, with legions of attorneys and PR flacks, all interested in doing the dirty on Ritchie, it is, so far, a remarkably even battle. For example, when the Madonna camp leaks that she considers Ritchie  ‘unspiritual’ he counters by saying he thinks she is “old, fat, ugly and wrinkled”.

Us Weekly reports it like this:

Madonna and Guy Ritchie‘s marriage was plagued by physical and emotional abuse in recent years………

“She would taunt Guy, saying, ‘I should have married someone like me: strong, hot-blooded, intelligent, ambitious, spiritual,'” reveals a Ritchie source. “Their fights would often get heated. A few times Madonna slapped him or poked him.”

His reaction? “Guy called her old, fat, ugly and wrinkled and said that she was stupid and couldn’t sing,” another Madonna pal tells Us.

Ha!

Also, it appears Ritchie has wasted no time at all getting his self some strange, in the form of actress Kelly Reilly. Please compare and contrast:

Not bad for her age

Not bad at all.

You see, I could have used that picture of Madonna looking all HAGGARD that’s been doing the rounds, lately. The one with her very hairy daughter in tow. But I didn’t. It’s not about manipulating the reader. It’s about letting members of the rivercityvibe community make up their own minds…….

There. I’ve said it.