rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

Scarlett Johansson just does not listen. Her hair color changes constantly when, obviously, it should remain blonde. She has the temerity to appear on the front cover of Paris Vogue flaunting, (flaunting!) a new ginger do. Unacceptable:

Urine and cookies.

Though, to be fair, other than the ginger hair, she is looking pretty amazing.

Particularly her famous rack.

It was easy, as always. I ran in disguise, under a false name, so as to avoid the faithful. This one guy, pictured below, from the Spartacus Gay Dating agency? That was not me. He was a legend, though (a Greek legend…..*). I hope he gets lots of new clients.

Joshua fought the battle of Jericho. Dressed like that.

The girl who came second in the womens’ field was a pale ginger. The usual warnings apply. She was quick though. Jeepers. Like greased weasel shit.

My knees hurt.

(* so many clever jokes in here, I don’t know where to start. I can only advise you to take your time).

LATER: I have been asked to point out that the Gate River Run is a 15 KM road race that takes place annually in the River City. It is famous etc. Happy now, Douglas (from Nova Scotia, Canada)?!

There is the usual faux furore online and in the news, about a Canadian Facebook group which promotes an event called Kick a Ginger Day. I know a couple of tough Gingers and I wouldn’t mess with them. That said, they’re helping out in the Congo currently, so are unavailable.

So basically, though you may despise them (because they smell of piss and cookies) I would not advise kicking Gingers, on this day or any other. Also, be very careful if you intend to have any sexual congress with them – set some boundaries. In my experience, there may be a few surprises down there. Enough said.

Here is Julianne Moore:

Approach with caution. Seriously.

In other news, I am considering starting a “Kick an Emo Day”.