rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

The former West German Capital Bonn was the scene of an unpleasant incident, last week. Unpleasant, but also peculiar and amusing. A fine example of the ‘humor’ the Germans call schadenfreude.

A man was found dead, apparently, in a pornography video booth at a Bonn Beate Uhse sex shop, over the weekend. The Cologne Daily Express reports:

Apparently “plump boobs and hot thighs” were too much for the 54-year-old pornography customer’s heart, who died while watching porn in one of the video-booths at the sex-shop on Bischofsplatz……

Bring your own Kleenex

Apparently, he was found slumped in a booth with his pants round his ankles.

I am sure you are thinking the same as me. What the hell was he doing there? How do these places exist in the post-internet society? How did they survive through video, DVD and superfast broadband? Can you imagine this poor guy’s thought process that led him from waking up in the morning with a bit of a stiffy, to dying in a recently vacated so-called self-abuse booth in a side street across town?

The answer has something to do with the German psyche, I know it. Something deep down and dirty and linked to them having inspection-shelves in their toilets……..

Apparently, writers on websites like these are supposed to adhere to the golden rule of not ‘clustering’ stories on the same subject together, instead spreading them out over decent periods of time. In normal circumstances, I would comply, but right now, I am so fucking bored with this election, I must post about Heidi Klum again or remove my ear drums with an oyster shucker.

I know, deep down, that Heidi is a vacuous, over-serious, German bore with an annoying child’s sense of humor. These are all minuses in my book*. She has big pluses, though, in that she is no-holds-barred hot and she keeps doing things that I respect. One of those things is this ad (for God-only-knows-what), based on Tom Cruise’s CLASSIC performance in Risky Business (1983):

Awesome. I know some ladies who would benefit greatly from studying the techniques used in this very carefully.

(*Kommen! Kann nicht sie einen witz nehmen?)