rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

There was something endearing about Corrine Brown’s speech praising the UF Gators. I mean, if it had been Tim Tebow’s grandmother at a family picnic, tipsy on white wine spritzers, it would have been a hands-down success. The fact that it was our elected representative addressing a full house of Congress gives me pause, but it was endearing nevertheless.

It may come as a shock to some readers that there are members of congress that possess no endearing qualities. Among these, there are representatives that are bogus, representatives that are delusional, representatives that are mean, and representatives  so dumb it is breathtaking. Michelle Bachman (R MN) is firmly in the latter category. She is a dangerous idiot, and she is loose on Capitol Hill.

Not so smart.

I realized this when I was DESTROYING my personal trainer on the treadmill at lunchtime, yesterday. I was watching the House Financial Services Committee question Treasury Secretary Geithner on the so-called stimulus plan and witnessed Bachmann asking a question so FATUOUS (good word) that if I was a Minnesotan I would have handed in my driver’s license and moved to North Dakota.

It seems that I am not the only one who noticed this, and Bachmann does it ALL THE TIME!  Talking Points Memo has recorded the facial expressions of some people Bachmann has addressed (including Geithner), at the exact moment she says something SO STUPID that it is barely understandable to anyone with a high school education and up.

TPM calls it the Bachmann Effect. I’d describe it as confusion, slowly giving way to amazement. Check out this video – watch the faces:

She also farms babies.

The trailer for Spike Jonze’s movie version of Maurice Sendak’s classic Where the Wild Things Are is out. If they fuck this up, I swear will lay waste to all around me and rend many things asunder…..

It got me thinking about Wild Things, a movie I remember nothing of apart from Denise Richards‘ chest and her making out with that one girl in the pool. Though I do remember liking it very much during some lonely times. I think the chance of seeing  naked girls making out in Where the Wild Things Are has got to be slim. You never know though – the screenplay has had to be built around the sixteen short sentences of the original book so there’s going to be a fair amount of new material. Fingers crossed! Let’s compare the two trailers:

That was Where the Wild Things Are, by the way. Now for Wild Things:

I am of the opinion that they will both be remembered as classics of their kind……. I’ll only ever own one of them on Blue Ray, though……..

Starring Richard Harris, Richard Burton, Roger Moore and Hardy Kruger, The Wild Geese (1978) is one of the greatest war films of all time. That said, it is nearly RUINED by berets that would shame a Week 1 Recruit (pain alleviated by the wonderful Joan Armatrading):

The global economy is tanking, people are hurting and many are blaming capitalism. Against this backdrop, I received an email warning from Donald Twain, a member of the rivercityvibe faithful who lives in Miami, imploring me to warn my readers to avoid London, England at the end of this month. It appears that the great unwashed are mobilizing on an unprecedented scale to disrupt the upcoming meeting of G20 Finance Ministers.

Difficult to see how this will help, but. hey, it’s shaping up to be quite a spectacle! Civil disobedience is always fun. Especially when viewed from the baseline. Click on this picture of some cardboard Horsemen of the Apocalypse to be taken to the G20 Meltdown site:

Someone's a craft hobbyist (or Kindergarten teacher)

So, there I was, in a $600 silk shirt, $300 sunglasses, $600 Gucci loafers, cruising in a Rolls Royce Phantom, through Central London on the day of the May Day protests.  You might remember the sit-in on parliament square where they put a turf mohawk on Churchill’s statue?  Anyway, I was oblivious to the events of the day – I never read the news, watch TV, or listen to the radio when I’m abroad. This resulted in something of a Louis XIV moment when I found myself face to face with a verminous lynch-mob  of dog-on-a-rope types looking for the nearest  aristocrat to guillotine. I rapidly engaged reverse and J turned the battleship. Naturally I took out a couple of hippies with the car door on the way past  – to calm my nerves…..

He adds,

It is going to kick off in London, next week. You and I are better off in Florida. A friend emailed to say he’d seen a asshole in a convertible 911 turbo this morning heading into the city and had to resist the urge to spark up and hurl one of the collection of Molotov cocktails he’d been saving for the occasion………

I look forward to watching the festivities unfold on TV…….

I thought y’all should know about this immediately:

Another picture on Twitter…..

I went for lunch at Harpoon Louies today. In the parking lot I saw something I have never seen before. Criminally, I was without my camera and I can’t work my ‘phone, which is so advanced it would defeat a NASA scientist. In fact, they do not have technology even close. It’s alien technology (or at least it might as well be).

Anyway, the picture below is not mine, rather it is one I have filched (good word) from the Interweb. It is almost precisely what I saw, though. Down to the color of the truck:

"Truck Nutz"

It’s a scrotum. In chrome. On a truck.

Now imagine the thought process of the genius entrepreneur who decided that the one thing a man could no longer live without was a chrome set of family jewels for his truck. Don’t think too much about it, though. Freudian danger lies that way.

I have since discovered that these charming accessories are all-the-rage in the “country” community. Any number of places online to purchase them and any number of styles – hanging low left or hanging low right, shaved or ball-fro – whatever!

Click here for a pair. I have installed some on my Aston in gold. Ironic.

Update: These are illegal in Florida, apparently.

I like satire. Can you tell? Rainn Wilson lookalike, Ben Folds performs cover versions which, though clever, are fundamentally satirical. Here he is with his classic version of Dr. Dre’s seminal Bitches ain’t Shit:

Anyway, said Folds will be in Jacksonville on Saturday April 4, 2009. The Times-Union are giving away tickets.

I’m going to be there. You?

I have been waiting to post about Eastbound and Down, the new HBO comedy show written and produced by Will Ferrell until now. I wanted to give it a chance to fail. To not be funny. To be a bit crap. Something of a waste of time, as it turns out. Believe me, it is VERY FUNNY.

As a reminder, it stars Danny McBride as Kenny Powers, a former Major League Baseball pitcher, who after a disappointing career is forced to return to his hometown middle-school as a substitute physical ed teacher. The final episode has aired and it is now available only ON DEMAND.

Metacritic gives it 62/100 and Wikipedia describes the reviews as ‘good to average’. As always, I made my own mind up. You should too. Here’s a clip. Decide for yourselves……(NSFW language):

The story reminds me of my own roots as a sporting hero and the soul crushing misery that goes with failure…….

Not really.

As it happens, I am still faster than my personal trainer.

Woooh!

There’s a recession on. All the hot supermodels are marrying losers. And you’re down to your last 3000 rounds of 7.62 link. Your morale is in danger of slipping. You need help.

Run, don’t walk, to the nearest liquor store and procure some Hendricks Gin. Your mood will dictate whether you also buy tonic water and angostura bitters, or a small bottle of Jack for the drive home. Don’t forget the gin, though:

A new design classic......

Carefully mix yourself a large one and sip it slowly. See? It’s like an angel pissing on your tonsils to the sound of trumpets. Result!

Hendrick’s Gin is also on Twitter!

Scarlett Johansson just does not listen. Her hair color changes constantly when, obviously, it should remain blonde. She has the temerity to appear on the front cover of Paris Vogue flaunting, (flaunting!) a new ginger do. Unacceptable:

Urine and cookies.

Though, to be fair, other than the ginger hair, she is looking pretty amazing.

Particularly her famous rack.