Archive for November, 2008

Something for the Weekend #8   no comments

Posted at 12:25 pm in rivercityvibe

Wow. You guys really do not respect the holiday. So Something for the Weekend is 24 hrs late. Please deal with it and stop emailing, I beg of you.

Here is the lovely and kind, Holly Weber:

Congratulations, Holly!

Congratulations, Holly!

The usual source says:

Weber’s undergraduate education was funded by her GoGo Dancing at popular venues in Hollywood and Las Vegas. During this period she had braces applied to straighten her teeth and she began pursuing a degree in Orthodontics. Upon removal of the devices, her modeling career began and quickly flourished as she graced the covers and pages of over 25 different calendars, was featured in magazines such as Glamour, Muscle and Fitness and FHM.

Who knew?

Written by Joe Bones on November 29th, 2008

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Thanksgiving at Pete’s   no comments

Posted at 11:32 am in Best things about Jacksonville

One of my favorite things about Jacksonville is the fact that you can go to Pete’s at Neptune Beach at 9 am on Thanksgiving day and drink beer and Bloody Marys through until 2 pm. Sure it means leaving 32210 and crossing the ditch, but it is worth it. All sorts turn up, from the usual Pete’s ne’er do wells, to the beau monde of Jacksonville society. I went with one of my best drinking cronies and took some pictures.

Love it.

Love it.

Pete's native American contingent........

Pete's Native American contingent

The two girls above are named Summer Camp and Wind Dancer. They are Cherokee and Seminole, respectively, and COMPLETELY RULE……

Veronica's Veil in da house.......

Veronica's Veil

Jordyn and Randy from Veronica’s Veil put in an appearance. rivercityvibe will speak a lot more about these legends before they abandon these shores for Barcelona (you heard it here first). Jordyn was with her sister, who is EXTREMELY hot.

Not sure what you're going for there, Lori, but very festive.......

Very festive, Lori!

Lori had COMMITTED to the celebration. No prisoners.

Brock rocks.
Brock rocks.

Brock was there, dressed after his usual fashion. We spent a long time discussing the fact that “Brock” is Old English for Badger.

Allison and Nicole. Something of a breath of fresh air......

Nicole and Allison. Something of a breath of fresh air......

We ran into Allison and Nicole on our way out. They have the rivercityvibe in spades. God bless ’em…….

[For our readers who are not fortunate enough to live in the river city I should point out that Pete’s is as famous as bars get, having featured in literature from Hemingway to Grisham (read The Brethren). It is also a proper bar, where people go to drink. Rare enough in these parts and in this day and age, and a concept that I wholeheartedly support].

Happy Thanksgiving!

Written by Joe Bones on November 29th, 2008

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Thanksgiving 2007…..   no comments

Posted at 10:40 am in rivercityvibe

Before I recount the tale of the awesome time I had at Pete’s at Neptune Beach, this Thanksgiving, I must first tell you about the BIZARRE and unsettling experience I had last year.

It quite freaked me out at the time.

As is the Bone’s Tradition, I give the staff the day off and eat Thanksgiving Lunch out. For years we used to go to the Ritz Carlton, Amelia Island (via Pete’s, naturally), but I was increasingly unimpressed, so last year, for the first time, we switched to Casa Monica, in St. Augustine.

In many ways, it was perfect. Fine food, fine wines and a great atmosphere of effortless luxury. Well worth the 30 minute drive alongside drunks on A1A.

Weirdos as guests.

Weirdos as guests.

My family and I drank stimulating drinks in their beautiful bar, before being escorted to our table in the sweet spot of the restaurant. It was about 2 pm. As we passed by our fellow diners, an older member of my party stopped to admire a tiny baby in a bassinet, next to a table. We seated ourselves and I began to scan the wine list.

My older relative seemed perturbed. I looked at him, he leaned forward and said, sotto voce, “Is that baby okay. It looks blue.” I looked over, the presumed mother (who was older than one would have expected) seemed unconcerned, she was tucking the child in, and speaking softly to it. Unsure how to express our concerns, I called over the maitre’d and tactfully inquired as to whether, in his opinion, everything was alright. He rolled his eyes, and explained, under his breath, that these concerns had been expressed by various diners for the past couple of hours, he had investigated and (stand by for this) had ascertained that the baby was in fact a lifelike doll, manufactured to look like a premature newborn.

I raised an eyebrow, “Pardonez moi?”

He repeated what he had said. He added that he had recently escorted a tearful nine year old girl and her parents from the premises after the girl freaked out because the “child” was “not breathing”. He noted that the “mother” refused to acknowledge that the doll was anything but real…..

I looked at our fellow diners. Some of them wore strained expressions – presumably those in the know….. After the initial disbelief wore off, some of my party began to laugh, uncontrollably and loud. I on the other hand, conscious of my duty to my public, got up and headed for the bassinet to mock and take pictures.

That ain't right.......

That ain't right.......

I questioned the “mother” and she seemed relatively normal, as long as you did not venture too near the”child” or discuss the fact that “it” was a doll – then she became unhinged. I should also note (and I will forever blame myself for not getting a picture) that her male dining companion was odd, too. He had a bowl haircut and a large mustache that made him appear, well, Belgian, if you know what I mean? My regular thing noted that, though surrounded by delicious food of all kinds, he seemed to be limiting his intake to plate after plate of collared greens……..

I have since researched this “fake baby” phenomenon (they are known as “reborns”). There is an excellent explanatory story on MSNBC, which tells all. Read it HERE.

Lunch was outstanding, by the way. I had obligations, this year, but it will be Casa Monica everytime, from now on………

Written by Joe Bones on November 29th, 2008

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Feeling the pinch…..   no comments

Posted at 9:00 am in rivercityvibe

There’s  a lot of talk about this so-called recession. I have told you before, if you’d followed my lead and grounded your wealth in blood diamonds and Chechen gold, you wouldn’t have these worries. Despite the horror stories, I have to say I see signs of conspicuous consumption where ever I look. For instance, I have been following the refurbishment of a number of buildings in 32210 with considerable interest. Here’s one of them, recently completed:

Must be hurtin'

Must be hurtin'

That white stuff, ALL OVER the outside of the house? That’s marble, just in case you were wondering.

Written by Joe Bones on November 29th, 2008

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Sheriffs Office 2 Bad Guys 0   no comments

Posted at 8:16 am in rivercityvibe

I usually keep an upbeat tone to my posts about our great city, something that is not difficult. Our climate, our wonderful river and beach life, and our culturally pivotal geography, sandwiched as we are between South Georgia and the rest of Florida, allows us a quality of life that many envy. That said,  I need to touch on, for a moment, something not too awesome. Our AMAZING crime situation.

There were two so-called police involved shootings last night. One of the them  started in 32210. I heard the sirens and my dog went bananas (was it “Little Saigon” that was robbed? I don’t know yet.)  The po pos came under fire and took down two miscreants – shot them dead. These are the 26th and 27th police involved shootings this year. 14 baddies have been killed and four police officers shot. It’s like fucking Deadwood out there.

Jacksonville is worse.

Jacksonville is worse.

Apparently, according to the apologists, the ridiculous number of shootings is a product of the fact that we have an above average number of gangstas because we sit at the intersection of major drug-running routes, up I 95 and East/West on I 10. We are also vulnerable to go-fast boats from the sea.

Whatever the excuse, it is getting out of hand. I am going to have to hire YET MORE armed guards for Bones’ hideout (with the associated uniform costs), position some more Claymore mines (“Front towards meth-head”) and, for my personal protection I will be investing in the concealed-carry version of this.

Written by Joe Bones on November 24th, 2008

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Something for the weekend #7   no comments

Posted at 12:28 pm in rivercityvibe

As y’all know, I am unimpressed by those who are famous for “being famous”. I prefer those who have earned their fame, like Lohan, who is a working actress (and if you’ve seen any of her movies and can ignore the BS online, not a bad one). I am not impressed by Hilton and her friends, but on this occasion, I am going to make an exception for Kardashian. For the following reason:



I’ll remind you who this is – Kim Kardashian, famous for copulating with a sports star on camera. That and the picture above is all you need to know. Period. Zip. Finis. There is nothing more of interest.

Bones out.

Written by Joe Bones on November 21st, 2008

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Do NOT kick gingers……   1 comment

Posted at 12:00 pm in rivercityvibe

There is the usual faux furore online and in the news, about a Canadian Facebook group which promotes an event called Kick a Ginger Day. I know a couple of tough Gingers and I wouldn’t mess with them. That said, they’re helping out in the Congo currently, so are unavailable.

So basically, though you may despise them (because they smell of piss and cookies) I would not advise kicking Gingers, on this day or any other. Also, be very careful if you intend to have any sexual congress with them – set some boundaries. In my experience, there may be a few surprises down there. Enough said.

Here is Julianne Moore:

Approach with caution. Seriously.

Approach with caution. Seriously.

In other news, I am considering starting a “Kick an Emo Day”.

Written by Joe Bones on November 21st, 2008

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Entourage: Bombshell!   no comments

Posted at 8:07 am in rivercityvibe

* Spoiler Warning * Spoiler Warning * Spoiler Warning * Spoiler Warning*

You know from previous posts that I have been enjoying the current series of Entourage way too much. It has had some great scenes, and some interesting plot developments. For those of you who are waiting to see it on DVD,  you may wish to look away now, because in order to explain some real-life news, I have to talk about some series developments that occurred in last Sunday’s episode.

A couple of episodes ago, Turtle, the fat, hairy but very likable character played by that one guy, benefited from some ‘hand relief’ while sitting next to actress Jamie-Lynn Sigler on a plane. She’s the one that played Meadows Soprano in….errrrr….. the Sopranos…. In Entourage, she plays herself . Last Sunday, in the show, the scriptwriters pushed the bounds of credibility by having Jamie-Lynn call Turtle up for a booty-call  – and it looked like they were making progress toward a permanent boyfriend/girlfriend thing.

The unbelievable news is, they are DATING IN REAL LIFE!

Can we say"punching above his weight"?

Can we say "punching above his weight"?

Now I know that the typical rivercityvibe reader is tall, lean, and well-dressed, but it must give someone, somewhere, a ray of hope that round little Turtle, with his back-hair and man-boobs can trap an acceptable piece of ass like Jamie-Lynn Sigler.

[By the way, it appears Jamie-Lynn’s another one! What’s with the German name vibe?!  This is a bad one – like Sigler heil! Come to think of it, isn’t Turtle Italian? This is the Axis Powers in a Hollywood couple. Watch out Abbysinia. Make your preparations now, Libya. They’ll be recreating the battle of Mersa Matruh in their bedroom before Jamie-Lynn can say Gott in Himmel!]

Written by Joe Bones on November 21st, 2008

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What devilry is this?   no comments

Posted at 2:53 pm in rivercityvibe

I have already (naturally) commented on the recent double-awesome Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Since then, my agents further south have been constantly sending me new shots of various VS models using their downtime wisely on the beach. I have ignored these, choosing not to post them as part of my new commitment to a more equitable approach to postings. This involves balancing pictures of comely frippets with items that appeal to male and female readers equally.

I’m a closet feminist, see?

Anyway, I had to post the following freak-of-nature. It appears that one of the models, a Ms. Karolina Kurkova has been cavorting on the beach…. without a belly-button. Evidence follows:

Nope. Don't see one.Nope. Don’t see one.

Now, that ain’t right. I am pretty sure they burn people alive for such deformities in Palatka. The folks at the BBC have a technical and deathly boring explanation for it all. I love the comment made by Kurkova’s agent:

Ms Kurkova has not spoken publicly about how she came to have a smooth navel, and all her agent will say is “she’s not an alien”.

Now, I am told by people who know, that the first rule in handling situations like this is “never repeat the negative”. The example always used is of Richard Nixon. When he said, I am not a crook!” we knew he was a crook. In this case, the fact her agent has said, “she is not an alien” has convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is not of this world.

But, let’s face it, she could be eating mice like the lizards off V and It wouldn’t make a bit of difference if she visited my wigwam.

Written by Joe Bones on November 20th, 2008

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Carrier coming to Mayport   no comments

Posted at 1:46 pm in rivercityvibe

This is not a site for breaking news*, but I feel I must let my readers know that the Navy has given the go-ahead for a Nuclear Aircraft Carrier to be home-based in Mayport. Most in Jacksonville see this as overwhelmingly good news, offsetting the increased likelihood of Jacksonville being destroyed outright when Vladimir Putin decides to neutralize US Second Strike Capability, with the undoubted economic benefits such a decision brings to the region.

The Price of Freedom.

The Price of Freedom.

Jacksonville/Mayport has been without an aircraft carrier since the USS John F. Kennedy was retired last year. The local rag reports:

The Navy will recommend homeporting a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier at Mayport Naval Station when it releases its environmental impact statement Friday.

The final version of the statement examining 13 options for Mayport will declare the carrier options the Navy’s preferred alternative, Sen. Bill Nelson’s office said Monday afternoon.

Once the chief of naval operations makes the recommendation to the secretary of the Navy, the secretary will sign off on a decision sometime after Dec. 21. Although technically an option other the recommendation could be accepted, Nelson said Monday afternoon that “it’s a done deal.”

(*rather, for lame celebrity gossip and pictures of Lohan’s rack, mainly.)

Written by Joe Bones on November 17th, 2008

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