rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

Some Australian boffin has unearthed some pretty interesting film footage dating from 1904, which shows people going about their daily business in London, England, 104 years ago. Sky News carries a report. It is, actually, fascinating. But seriously, what’s with the headgear? I have watched this four times trying to spot a single person without a hat. There is not one. In the WHOLE OF LONDON.

To give local context, this was three years after the great Mossfire and 39 years after the end of the War of Northern Aggresssion. Man had already walked on the moon 39 years ago from today.

Divorce is not a laughing matter, particularly where kids are involved, probably. That said, the war of words between Madonna and Guy Ritchie is already, a mere week into the whole deal, bordering on the hysterically funny.

Bearing in mind that Madonna has an enormous multi-roled corporation behind her, with legions of attorneys and PR flacks, all interested in doing the dirty on Ritchie, it is, so far, a remarkably even battle. For example, when the Madonna camp leaks that she considers Ritchie  ‘unspiritual’ he counters by saying he thinks she is “old, fat, ugly and wrinkled”.

Us Weekly reports it like this:

Madonna and Guy Ritchie‘s marriage was plagued by physical and emotional abuse in recent years………

“She would taunt Guy, saying, ‘I should have married someone like me: strong, hot-blooded, intelligent, ambitious, spiritual,'” reveals a Ritchie source. “Their fights would often get heated. A few times Madonna slapped him or poked him.”

His reaction? “Guy called her old, fat, ugly and wrinkled and said that she was stupid and couldn’t sing,” another Madonna pal tells Us.

Ha!

Also, it appears Ritchie has wasted no time at all getting his self some strange, in the form of actress Kelly Reilly. Please compare and contrast:

Not bad for her age

Not bad at all.

You see, I could have used that picture of Madonna looking all HAGGARD that’s been doing the rounds, lately. The one with her very hairy daughter in tow. But I didn’t. It’s not about manipulating the reader. It’s about letting members of the rivercityvibe community make up their own minds…….

There. I’ve said it.

Don’t think it is uncool to be very, very excited about this weekend’s NAS Jax Airshow. It’s not.

In fact, It’s seriously uncool NOT to be excited about seeing the Blue Angels, the USAF F-15 Eagle West Coast Demo team, the USAF F-16 Viper East Coast Demo team and the 82nd Airborne Division’s freefall team.

I mean, c’mon. What are you, un-American? Any more of that kind of talk and I’ll set Michele Bachman (R-MI) on you.

Saturday, I shall be  watching the whole thing from the comfort of a floating Gin-Palace on the St. John’s River. Sunday, I will be attending the event itself, looking at the static displays and watching some hardcore Civil War Reenactors. That’s right, the guys from Confederates in the Attic will be there. [Bones Note: I have many tales to tell of these guys. Get used to seeing them mentioned here].

Of course the main attraction will be the military fast jets, and their daring aerobatics. I can’t wait. Here is a taster:

I have to admit, the NAS airshow is right up there with Thanksgiving morning at Pete’s as a highlight of the year.

I’ll see y’all there.

Over the last six weeks, as this extraordinary presidential campaign has unfolded, the one thing that has remained straightforward, flip-flop free, and ideologically pure has been the answer to the question,

“If you could bone anyone involved in this sorry charade, who would it be?”

Boys and girls (I am told) universally plum for Sarah Palin. Sarah “Good News McGee” Palin. The fact is, she is not just “hot for a politician” she is plain “hot”. Not her fault. Just the way it is. I have been surprised that more people have not commented on it. When comment did finally come, it came from an unlikely source. It came from Tina Fey.

sssssssst! Ouch!

Fey, who is responsible for the celebrated impression of Palin on SNL, had this to say now they have met in person:

“When I first saw her, I didn’t think we looked alike at all [Bones Note: You don’t]. Then during the convention, I started to think, ‘Ok, maybe a little.’
“I’ll tell you, that lady is five times better-looking than I am. She’s 44? She’s got none of that droopy s–t. She’s keeping it tight!”

Joe Bones could have told you that weeks ago, but nobody asked him.

And that’s the tragedy

You’d be forgiven for thinking NOTHING happened yesterday. Technically, that is true. In fact, only one thing was brought to my attention that would be of interest to rivercityvibe readers,  but I was asleep at the wheel.

I’m fallible, you see. Contrary to public opinion.

Now I am awake and amused enough to run this. I include it now for reasons of completeness. Here is how Blue Jay fans mercilessly rag-dolled A Rod around the park in September:

Stare him down.......

Got him!

If any of our readers know these guys, I’d like to send them some 120 IPA. Let me know.

I know Seth’s already carried this. How do you think I got it? Will I ever get out from under his shadow……?

The case of the crazy astronaut who wore hi-tech space-diapers to save time as she drove 18 hours to kidnap a former lover’s girlfriend,  is today being reviewed by the Court of Appeal in Daytona Beach.

Scary eyes?

Spot the loony....

I am loving the evidence they are trying to have admitted. Mostly the contents of her car (I can only imagine the contents of her space-purse. The mind boggles).

Anyway The Examiner reports:

a bizarre list of items found in Nowak’s car, including purported bondage photos, a knife, steel mallet, and rubber tubing. Police also found a wig, BB gun, and a chemical spray…..

The Po-pos in Orlando revealed more:

Orlando police spokeswoman Sgt. Barbara Jones said Internet-generated maps of Nowak’s route from Texas to Florida were printed Jan. 23 and found in a search of Nowak’s car. A list written by Nowak showed items she carried on her drive: “wig, trench coat, make-up, trash bags, knife and what appeared to be “ammo 9,” an arrest report states. Police seized two wet diapers from Nowak’s car that she said she used rather than stop on her drive to Orlando. She used cash rather than a credit card to pay all of her expenses, police said.

Standard Diapers (non-NASA)

Check out this kind lady:

Well done you.

Her name, allegedly, is Keeley Hazel. WIKIPEDIA gets straight to the point when it says this, about her:

Keeley Rebecca Hazell (born on 18 September 1986)^[1] is an English Page 3 Girl and glamour model noted for her large, natural breasts (bra size 32E).^[4]

That‘s good material. It goes on to say:

In early January 2007, a sex tape of Hazell and ex-boyfriend Lloyd Miller was released on the internet.^[8] The video was shot whilst the couple were on holiday in Tenerife, Canary Islands, Spain during the previous year, on or about 30 May 2006.^[8]

Following the tape’s leak, Hazell was reported to have been very upset, and she called the police in an attempt to find out who leaked the tape.^[9] She also “obtained an injunction on grounds of privacy preventing any further publication or promotion of the video”^[8] though the video is still widely available on the Internet.

No, I am not going to do it for you. If you are interested in seeing that sort of filth, go HERE.

One ‘Z’, two ‘L’s

I am about to leave Bones HQ, for a boat ride on the Mighty St. John’s that will probably involve booze and hot babes. And possibly engine failure.*

* this is what is termed an ‘in-joke’. Don’t worry about it.

The Mighty St. John. The Old Man.

Once this is over, about 8 pm, I am going home to watch Anatomy of an Abrams Tank on the military channel, before a few more cold ones until very late at a secret bar y’all don’t know about.

Military Channel. Tonight.

Tomorrow, I intend to rise early, walk my amazing dog, run five miles using my Forerunner 405, watch a couple of episodes of Magnum PI (Series 7) on DVD while eating oatmeal and fruit, then spend the day at the beach, playing volleyball and listening to live music with friends.

In the evening, I am attending a cocktail party for which I must ‘dress nicely’, before taking my consort for late dinner. Sunday, I shall be drinking beer from dawn, wondering what to do in lieu of sport. I will probably read a book. I will try to stay up for Entourage at 10 pm.

Perfect weekend. What about you guys?

In the last 24 hrs we have achieved blogging success beyond my wildest dreams. I can pretty much put away the keyboard, stand down my agents around the globe, and rest on my laurels. You see, I have , at last, identified the special phrase that puts rivercityvibe at the top of Google’s ranking. It came to my attention as  I was examining search terms that have driven readers to the site. Can you guess what it is?

No? Go on, have a guess!

Okay, I’ll tell you. The phrase that puts rivercityvibe ahead of every other website on the entire interweb is:

kiran chetry’s thong -video

Did you guess right? Here’s an utterly inadequate screenshot:

click image for full size

Now let me be straight with you, we have never talked of Kiran Chetry in terms of her underwear, let alone posted video. Only Sarah Palin has been discussed in this regard; Kiran Chetry has been featured only in her role as the Bedside List’s resident naughty little imp.

Nevertheless, someone has entered this particular phrase into Google and come up with digital gold dust in the form of rivercityvibe!

Champagne all round!

It seems Madonna really is giving Guy Ritchie the Spanish Archer.

(El Bow)

(Ha ha)

Principally, it seems, because she can no longer stick living in England, where it is cold and miserable (see previous post for an alternative, Madge). Also, of course, because she has been nailing Alex Rodriguez behind Ritchie’s back. It turns out Madonna is a slut.

On that bombshell, I’d like to leave you with a picture of the object of A Rod’s desire:

[As an aside, apparently, Lenny Kravitz is giving  the former Mrs. Rodriguez the good news, these days. You should know tha Bones and Kravitz  do not see eye to eye since he literally ruined Vanessa Paradis. ]