rivercityvibe   “Puerile, smutty, schoolboy nonsense” – My Mom

Okay.

Joe feels that he cannot NOT recommend the following activity, brought to my attention by a loyal reader. My role is to endorse quality products that support  an optimized lifestyle. How you consume those products is really up to you.

The Dogfish Head 120 chug:

I’d have been more impressed if it had been administered via the bloodbag……

Pamela is stacked.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.................

I promise to post something for the fairer sex next week. Matthew McConaughey or something. These ‘rack’ posts are in danger of becoming an obsession.

Setting Elf to one side,  I think we can agree that Will Ferrell’s canon, encompassing such classics as Old School, Talladega Nights, Blades of Glory and the sublime Anchor Man,  represents a deep well of comedy from which we can draw buckets to refresh our souls

Wow. This shit is just writing itself today.

Anyway, the man behind Ron Burgundy, Chazz Michael Michaels and the brilliant Frank ‘the tank’ Ricard (said to be based on my friend The Hog…….) has consented to answer unfiltered questions, via the word wide interweb, from his fans. Without giving anything away, this content is NSFW, as there are many unexpected references to the act of fellatio.

Quite good.

My experiments in lifestyle-optimization involve sampling many different alcoholic beverages. There are very few I hate, as long as they pass a quality threshold (which is set quite high).

Though I dearly love the whiskeys, the tequilas, the wines and the authentic Georgia ‘shine, there’s a special place in my heart for craft beers, and the guys at Dogfish Head are as crafty as they come.

I got the heads-up from Walt, at Just Brew It! He let me know (as I require him to…) that he had a case of his favorite Dogfish Head 120 minute IPA in the store. For those of you who know, it retails at nearly 10 bucks a bottle, but it is so worth it. Not only is it near 22% ABV, it also gives a drinking experience that I have heard described as ‘like an angel pissing on your tonsils.”

Angel. Piss. In a good way......

Do yourself a favor and get hold of some. If Just Brew it! are out, try European Street in Riverside. They had some behind the counter last week. And it retails for one cent less than the price shown in the picture!

Beginners ( or FSU fans) may wish to work their way up through the  60 minute or 90 minute IPAs…….

I know we are supposed to take severe weather seriously, and OBEY law enforcement, FEMA, Florida DEM etc. when they give us instructions. It is, after all,  for our own good.

But it’s always nice to come across a crazy old fellah who’s prepared to tell authority, in effect:

“Kiss my swingers. I am staying put.”

This Texan puts Floridians to shame:

Crackin' a PBR and enjoyin' the show...

Former marine (68-74), Ray Wilkinson decided he wasn’t going anywhere when Ike poled up at his beach house. The Houston Chronicle puts it like this:

Wilkinson said that he felt his home shaking badly in the fierce winds as he sat there drinking beer, but the gusts were so loud he couldn’t hear much else. “It was too much noise from the wind,” he said.

He was never scared, just entertained. He did not pray for help.

“I figure I put me in this position and God couldn’t get me out,” he said.

Though he came through unscathed, Wilkinson didn’t think others should follow his example.

“I don’t advise it unless you’re nuts,” he said.

Apparently he is a cancer survivor, too.

This evening, I will be raising a glass to you, Ray Wilkinson.

This is about the best thing I have ever seen in my life. Somebody took a Dr. Dre CD to band camp and the geeks created something awesome….

This is NSFW if you work somewhere where you cannot listen to songs which contain foul language (primarily, the words ‘bitches’ and ‘shit’. But worse ones too. Like ‘fuck’).

Now that’s a real conversation for your ass……

It appears that the other guy heard about the kind of reception presidential candidates get in the River City, and HE is on his way!

Barack Obama will visit Jacksonville on Saturday (on his way home from Miami, naturally).

Last time he was here........

Here’s hoping he brings his comedy side-kick.

The nation’s favorite naval aviator/AARP member is in Jacksonville for the day. Apparently, nobody noticed

Did you know that during his five years in captivity in North Vietnam, he was home-based here? That he came home to Jacksonville, when he was released? That his family was here throughout the war? (I am talking about his old family, centered on his old wife, not the new family, centered on the new hot (once…) millionairess he married subsequently……)

You didn’t know that? You do now.

John McCain arrives at Whitey's Fish Camp

Unfortunately, the more interesting side of the ticket is not due here for a while. Rest assured, I shall be there when she comes a-calling.

I have all but given up listening to NPR. I used to have Morning Edition on in the car, but lately I’ve found it makes me  stressed. Whether it’s Chinese influence in the Congo, or the mysterious absence of ecologically-vital honey bees in the central states, there’s always something that leaves me feeling vaguely ill-at-ease.

So I’ve ditched radio while driving and instead, pass the time by counting the number of Salt Life stickers on the back of cars. There are hundreds (Can anyone explain to me what is that about?).

There is one show, however, on Jacksonville station WJCT, which has the opposite effect. I am talking about the uplifting and ever-brilliant Electro Lounge. In a town in which (let’s face it) it is considered cool to play The Smiths (get OVER it, Five Points…..), it is great to have quality, modern music available.

nice helmet

Look at the line-up for the first hour tonight. Check it, check it, yeah yeah…….

9:00) Taj Mahal w/Jack Johnson – Further On Down The Road

9:05) Spearhead – U Can’t Sing R Song

9:10) Morcheeba – Otherwise

9:14) Cashbah 73 feat Mariella Gonzalez – Vinyl Junkie

9:18) Taj Mahal feat Ziggy Marley – Black Man, Brown Man

9:22) Dope Head Blues – Victoria Spivey

9:25) Rockerfeller Druglaw Blues – The Felice Brothers

9:30) The Drinking Song – Loudon Wainwright III

9:35) Aliison Moyet – That Old Devil Called Love

9:41) Botanica – Age Of Irony

9:44) Ezio – All I Really Want

9:47) De_Phazz – Something Special

9:50) Everything But The Girl – Single

9:55) Big Joe Turner – Wine-O-Baby Boogie

So, tonight’s homework is simple. Listen to the Electro Lounge.  Wallow in it. Do so, and you have taken an important step toward lifestyle optimization…..

I have always liked Joe Biden, but he’s got to learn to be more observant.

State Senator Chuck Graham would love to stand up, but is confined to a wheelchair (due to his paraplegia). Apparently Senator Biden has “known him for years.”

It’s like a scene from SNL.